Tag: family caregiver

  • Book Recommendation

    Book Recommendation

    After my mom’s stroke, I came across How to Care for Aging Parents (3rd Edition) by Virginia Morris, and it quickly became one of my go-to resources. It’s packed with practical advice and warm, insightful reflections that helped me through some of the harder parts of caregiving.

    What stood out most was how the book offered both guidance for the moment and a thoughtful look at what may lie ahead. That forward glimpse brought me a sense of comfort and reassurance at a time when everything felt uncertain. As I read sections covering things I had already experienced, I found myself nodding in agreement—and wondering why I hadn’t picked it up sooner.

    If you’re looking for something that provides clarity, reassurance, or even a gentle reality check (in the best way possible!), I can’t recommend it enough.
    Here’s the link to check it out. I only share resources I truly believe in, and this one has had a meaningful impact on my caregiving journey.

    I’d love to hear if any of you have read it—or if there are other books that have helped you along the way!

  • The Exercise Dilemma—Motivating a Stubborn Loved One

    The Exercise Dilemma—Motivating a Stubborn Loved One

    At first, caregiving was light duty: shuttling Mom to appointments, taking notes, making sure prescriptions were refilled, and casually suggesting she stay active. It was recommended she stay active so that we could monitor her heart valve before it failed. But let’s be real—getting her to exercise turned into an uphill battle. Anyone else have a stubborn loved one who thinks housework or gardening totally counts as working out?

    My mom is the queen of productive activities—she’d rather plant seeds and water her garden, than hop on a stationary bike for 15 minutes. I get it: cycling to nowhere can feel dull. But, I knew her heart needed some form of regular exercise to stay strong after everything she’d been through. She finally got to a point where she would walk for 15 minutes a day with us, and then eventually on the stationary bike for 10 minutes a day for a couple months.

    It’s still a work in progress. Some days, I nudge her to come out to Costco with me (for a walk) or try simple stretching routines. Some days, she will go upstairs a few times to do laundry (taking the stairs is huge for her!) and we celebrate the fact she’s not lounging in bed all day. Small wins, right?

    From finding creative ways to keep my mom moving to juggling everyone’s schedules, caregiving was starting to test my resilience.

    Question for the community:
    How do you encourage your loved ones to stay active, especially when they resist structured exercise?

  • Becoming Mom’s Medical Advocate

    Becoming Mom’s Medical Advocate

    Once I realized the gravity of my mom’s conditions, the next step was clear: become her advocate at every doctor’s visit. Here’s how that shift happened.

    When Mom and I first visited her cardiologist together, I came armed with a notepad and a thousand questions. I wanted to get the full picture—what exactly should we be on the lookout for? How would we know if her condition was getting worse? And seriously, what did all these medications actually do?

    That’s when I learned there’s no cure for aortic valve stenosis (when calcification messes with how the heart valve works). Her cardiologist told us that the only real solution is to keep an eye out for signs of heart valve failure so she can get a replacement in time. According to the doctor, regular physical activity and a healthy diet can help us catch red flags early, before things take a serious turn.

    In that moment, I realized one of my biggest roles would be showing up at appointments—pen in hand—ready to absorb the details for her and stay in the loop. It is no longer just about driving her there; it’s about translating medical jargon, listing out things the doctor wanted her to do in between appointments, asking follow-up questions, and making sure neither of us leaves feeling confused.

    Navigating doctor’s appointments was one thing—encouraging my mom to stay active was another beast entirely. Raise your hand if you’ve been there! Next, I’ll share how I learned to balance gentle nudges and respecting her preferences.

    Do you attend medical appointments with your loved ones? What strategies help you stay organized and ask the right questions?

  • Uncovering Hidden Health Issues

    Uncovering Hidden Health Issues

    About three years ago, after my mom stopped driving, I found a new GP who could see both of us – hoping to make scheduling simpler. Little did I know that first consultation would open up a whole can of medical worms.

    Before, I would drop Mom off at appointments while I waited in the car or the lobby. She’d come out insisting everything was “fine”. Spoiler alert: it wasn’t. The new GP’s office asked for our health histories, so I helped mom with hers. That’s when I uncovered a laundry list of conditions she barely knew about. Aortic stenosis, kidney issues, high blood pressure, and high cholesterol. Not exactly “fine”, right?

    Mom also mentioned that her cardiologist spoke so softly she could barely catch what he was saying. No wonder she wasn’t following up or asking questions. I realized I needed to be there with her at her appointments, to make sure we both understood what was going on. That’s how I became her medical advocate, helping her see the big picture and plan for the future. Let’s dive into that next!

    Have you ever uncovered surprising health information about a loved one? How did it change the way you approached caregiving?

  • The Complex Realities of Family Care

    The Complex Realities of Family Care

    Caregiving is like a snowflake—no two experiences are the same. Every family’s situation has its quirks, personalities, and plot twists. Sometimes the experience can knit families closer; sometimes it highlights tensions you didn’t know were there. Real talk: it’s complicated.

    For me, becoming an unpaid family caregiver wasn’t really a choice—it was just the most logical step. Thankfully, my husband and dad were both on board, which I know isn’t the case for everyone. They took shifts, cooked meals, and even tackled housework—my dad finally learned how to do laundry! Still, even with their support, caregiving has been eye-opening: the highs, the lows, the “Are we all just winging this?” moments—it’s a lot.

    Right now, my mom is stable. Fewer appointments, more time to breathe. We’re savoring the calm while keeping an eye on her second heart valve, which also shows signs of stenosis. The challenges ahead aren’t lost on me, but for now, I’m grateful for the breather.  Anyone else living in that in-between?

    I’ve read how caregiving can bring families together—or drive them apart. But when I started caring for my mom, no family dynamic could’ve prepared me for what I discovered about my mom’s health. In the next post, I’ll share that eye-opening moment

    Have you ever landed in a caregiving role with no clue where to begin? How did you handle it?

  • The Holiday Wish That Broke My Heart

    The Holiday Wish That Broke My Heart

    December 2023. My mom’s Christmas wish was simple yet profound: “To feel normal and not dizzy.”

    The past three years have tested her strength—and mine. Surviving a second heart attack, an aortic valve replacement, and a stroke is no small feat. Thankfully, my parents moved in with my husband and me 14 years ago, so we already had the logistics in place to support her through it all.

    Stepping into caregiving wasn’t entirely new for me. Years ago, I spent a few weeks helping my aunts care for my grandmother, and those lessons came rushing back when I began looking after my mom. The learning curve has been steep, but it’s also strengthened our family bonds, reshaped my perspective, and shifted my role from child to caregiver.

    Immediately after her stroke, she needed our help more than ever—ensuring her medications were managed, helping her get out of bed and to the bathroom, keeping her spirits up, and watching carefully for any signs of distress or setbacks.

    Her wish for ‘normalcy’ reminded me how helpless we can feel while doing our best for our loved ones. I started out wanting to “fix”, and over time I had to learn how to “flow” with what was in front of me.

  • My Caregiving Chapter Begins

    My Caregiving Chapter Begins

    Caring for my mom has been an emotional, physical, and mental journey that’s often taken me by surprise. She’s faced some truly difficult months, yet she remains mostly independent today. On her good days, it’s manageable—I can schedule her appointments, tackle my own tasks, and even take her out for lunch. She can walk short distances and manage stairs, albeit slowly. But when weakness or dizziness sets in, it can feel like we’re caught in a whirlwind, scrambling to keep her spirits (and mine) afloat.

    I’m sharing my experiences because caregiving can sometimes feel like being stranded on your own little island. I discovered several online communities of people scattered all over social who are in the same boat, learning as they go. Reading other’s experiences was like finding my people—gaining new ideas to make things easier, and insights into what the future might hold. If their posts helped me, I’m hoping my own ups and downs will help someone else feel less alone.

    That’s where my caregiving story begins—full of unexpected twists, persistent challenges to navigate, commiserating with others in online groups, and a determination to figure it all out. But nothing prepared me for the moment my mom shared her simple but powerful Christmas wish in December 2023. Let’s talk about that next.

    Who do you care for, and what’s one thing that surprised you about being a caregiver?