A Diagnosis in Adulthood
I think I have always suspected that I had ADHD or some form of neurodivergence. The coping mechanisms I developed over the years helped excuse the possibility of it being true, but it was undeniable at this point. It was very difficult to digest once I realized it—how different would my life have been had I known this sooner?
Finally… finally. After 40-some odd years, I could stop beating myself up over a plethora of things that were essentially out of my control. My ADHD diagnosis came with so many mixed feelings. I was relieved to have an answer for why I am the way I am, but I deeply mourned the loss of who I could have been. That last part hit hard as I reflected on all the things I heard and internalized over the years. My self-esteem, shaped by misunderstandings, had taken a heavy toll. I felt bitter. My five stages of grief began.
This was no one’s fault. My parents, teachers, mentors—they guided me to the best of their ability with the experience and knowledge they had at the time. I did the best I could, too. I thought a lot about the Chinese proverb: The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second-best time is today.
Acceptance came slowly, but it came. I thought about what I could still try to do in my 40s and how I could approach these goals. Why continue to regret the past when there are still possibilities before me? I also had an example to set.
Most importantly, my son had the advantage of knowing his brain was wired a little differently before he hit puberty. We still had time to understand his learning style and get him the accommodations he might need to achieve his goals. Knowing that was far more important to me—and I could learn more about my own quirks along the way.
So now, here I am. Big girl pants are ON. Well, for the most part anyway.
- If you’ve been diagnosed with ADHD (or any condition) as an adult, what emotions did you experience?
- What do you wish you had known earlier in life?
- How have you worked to reframe past struggles into a more compassionate understanding of yourself?