School Struggles and the ADHD Question

As he grew older, managing his allergies became second nature to both of us. But new challenges emerged when he started school.

The transition to preschool was easy for him—he was a social kid, and the small, close-knit class felt like family. Many of the same children moved up through the elementary grades together, and for a while, everything seemed fine. But a few years into elementary school, he began to struggle.

When he was interested in a subject and could stay focused, he thrived. But when the topic didn’t catch his attention, his work went unfinished. Sustained focus became a challenge, and once he fell behind, it was like a mental block appeared. He’d convince himself he just couldn’t understand the lesson.

Evenings at home were often frustrating—for both of us. One moment he’d fly through his math worksheets like a tiny machine, but the next, he’d forget concepts he’d been confidently applying just minutes before. I tried my best to help, explaining things as clearly as I could. But when my explanations only seemed to frustrate him more, I couldn’t help but feel like I was failing him.

I understood his struggle all too well—I’d experienced the same thing in school. My parents believed I needed to figure things out on my own, but I was determined to take a different approach with my son. Still, one of my long-standing anxieties loomed: Does my son have ADHD?

For the next few years, I asked his teachers about the possibility. Did his behavior and work patterns match those of children they’d taught with ADHD? Were his struggles typical of kids his age? Most assured me I was jumping to conclusions and suggested that time and self-discipline would fix the issue. My gut told me otherwise, but I needed a recommendation from the school to pursue an assessment.

Meanwhile, I watched his self-esteem wither. As he moved up through grades, his confidence in his schoolwork dwindled. By fourth grade, my concern had reached its peak. During a parent-teacher conference, his teacher gently brought up the possibility of ADHD. I was so relieved I could have cried. Finally, someone else saw what I had been seeing all along.

• Has your child faced similar struggles in school? How did you handle moments of frustration or self-doubt?
• If you’ve ever wondered about ADHD in your child, what signs or behaviors made you start to ask questions?
• For parents who have had similar experiences, how did you approach getting an ADHD assessment? What advice would you give to someone just starting that journey?